in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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