So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
