burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
