Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
