I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
