pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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