You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
