yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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