At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
