Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
