There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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