The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
