why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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