Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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