she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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