who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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