I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
