There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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