Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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