i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
