I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
