Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
