He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize