Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015