By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.