Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.