He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.