My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.