Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
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Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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