Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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