so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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