I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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