so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
