She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
