I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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