So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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