I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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