after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
