I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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