when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
