good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FUCK WHALES
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
