Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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