I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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