i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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