I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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