My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
