I hate your face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
