Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
