thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
