Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
