i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
