I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
