he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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