My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
