dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize