I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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