I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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