one two three fourrrrnication!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
