i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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