Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
