Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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