y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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