i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
