Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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