Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
