There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
