Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
