I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
