Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
