Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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