dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
