so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
BRING THE BAGELS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
