yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
