what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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