why didn't you poke me back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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