I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
