tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sobbing to NWA