You made me cry and you don't even care
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...