who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants