'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.