I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.