She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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