i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
