I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.