Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..

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(561): My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis.. http://tfl.nu/qf8b

Replies (43) Good night (806) Bad night (6383)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

only you. it could only happen to you.

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(617): so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it (1-617): only you. it could only happen to you. http://tfl.nu/wr6i

Replies (32) Good night (1233) Bad night (4655)
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(443): View more from Maryland

but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

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(443): but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it http://tfl.nu/n2yq

Replies (11) Good night (1119) Bad night (3924)
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(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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(513): First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action... http://tfl.nu/keaf

Replies (13) Good night (1209) Bad night (6692)
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(443): View more from Maryland

He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.

(315): View more from New York

You would pick up a guy in AA.

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(443): He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me. (315): You would pick up a guy in AA. http://tfl.nu/v9fc

Replies (12) Good night (3894) Bad night (1080)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid

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(250): Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid http://tfl.nu/igue

Replies (3) Good night (2746) Bad night (893)
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(863): View more from Florida

Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.

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(863): Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone. http://tfl.nu/onku

Replies (3) Good night (2072) Bad night (1038)
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(585): View more from New York

i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold

(1-585): View more from New York

hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?

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(585): i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold (1-585): hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce? http://tfl.nu/cepl

Replies (4) Good night (3104) Bad night (743)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.

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(920): Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be. http://tfl.nu/nyya

Replies (2) Good night (1432) Bad night (766)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!

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(780): YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!! http://tfl.nu/6lp0

Replies (3) Good night (807) Bad night (468)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.

(770): View more from Georgia

Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.

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(770): Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer. (770): Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand. http://tfl.nu/1fds

Replies (7) Good night (1031) Bad night (497)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left

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(864): That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left http://tfl.nu/rl6q

Replies (7) Good night (1280) Bad night (502)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.

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(512): I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like. http://tfl.nu/i3mi

Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (498)
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(927): View more from

Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.

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(927): Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer. http://tfl.nu/h284

Replies (1) Good night (774) Bad night (193)
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(513): View more from Ohio

conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often

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(513): conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often http://tfl.nu/fm0r

Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (94)

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