he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
