Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
