Your face is a jimmy john
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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