I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
