I accidentally burped into my bong.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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