Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore

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(757): View more from Virginia

he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer

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(937): View more from Ohio

Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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(847): View more from Illinois

That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.

(847): View more from Illinois

You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.

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(714): View more from California

A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you

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(636): View more from Missouri

I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.

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