Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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