It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
