Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
