oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
