I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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