Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
