Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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