All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
