I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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