I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
