I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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