I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize